Perrinor

Session 60: I Scream! 🧟 (September 15, 2024)

• It’s been 50 to 100 years
• We meet Harold “The Comet” Flipson
  • He used to be a successful thief (in addition to a circus acrobat)
  • He got into debt by living a little too large for his income (big house, fancy carriage, fast horses)
  • Harder to get jobs as he leaned more into fame
  • Ended up getting most of his income past a point from doing ads, talks at business retreats, scammy correspondence courses
  • We find him now in a tenement building, in a kitchen he shares with an old woman named Nancy
  • She’s cooking for her 7 kids while he regales them with stories of his exploits and refuses to help
  • There’s a ring at the door, and since Nancy doesn’t move to answer it Harold does
  • Opal, a tiefling from his old team is there
  • She has a job for him
  • He’s 20,000 gp in debt, he needs it
  • She leads him to her van, where Wet Sock is driving just like in the good old days
  • Battery the hamster is powering it
  • We drive off
• We meet Don Quixote
  • In an alley where some indeterminate exchanges are happening
  • Don walks the street with her red Lizard Drake familiar Rocinante
  • She comes across a bunch of goblins trading bones or something
  • She confronts them
  • “My name is Don Quixote, and you shall know of my great deeds in the days to come!”
  • They run and Don gives chase
  • She heads off the goblin against a chain link fence
  • “I will end your dark deeds now!”
  • Don hits the goblin on a nat 20 using her lance
  • It’s a tandem attack with Rocinante, incinerating the goblin
  • A white carriage pulls up honking
  • It’s the van from before
  • She remembers Opal from when she tracked her down looking for Reptar
  • “Look, I found out where Reptar is, and I was wondering if you wanted to participate in a job I’m running”
  • Don is pretty on board for this
  • She recognizes Harold in the van
  • He realizes she’s a fan
  • He asks whether she paid for his correspondence course
  • She says she hasn’t gotten the book yet
  • The first lesson is to win your name you need to earn your name, he will call her “D”
  • Opal says Reptar is the final member of the crew
  • Before the job, we need to break him out

• Reptar
  • He’s blindfolded
  • Being rolled along what sounds like a xylophone
  • The blindfold is pulled off and he’s in a white room
  • A guy in lab coat with a name tag that says Doctor Clancy is standing there
  • Reptar casts Thaumaturgy to make his voice loud
    • “Release me now!”
  • Doctor Clancy says hypnotically: “You do not want to kill anyone. You want to work at the ice cream parlor instead.”
    • Reptar fails his wisdom save
    • He really wants to work at an ice cream shop
  • “Chatterbox, can you come in here?”
    • A skeleton walks in and you hear xylophone sounds as he walks
• The van arrives at a building
• A sign outside reads “Doctor Clancy’s Rehabilitation Center for Societal Rejects” and a wooded sign nailed to it says “and Ice Cream Parlor”
  • There’s an attached ice cream shop
• We get out of the van planning our first moves
• Harold changes into a hot candy striper outfit
• Don rushes in, eager to rescue Reptar
• We cut back to Reptar
• Reptar has a Hannibal Lecter muzzle on
• He knows he needs to take out Chatterbox
• “Hey, you also work at the ice cream shop? Let me out! You can have as much ice cream as you want!”
• Chatterbox doesn’t seem able to talk
  • They also look down at their empty torso, clearly unable to eat ice cream
• Reptar is in a hand trolley
• He tries to rock himself over onto the floor
  • He succeeds
  • One of the wheels comes loose and lands in front of him
• Reptar tries to sweep the leg
• Cut back to us entering the building
• It seems to be a reception area
• Two receptionists sit behind desks
  • They have pasty white skin with a greenish tint
• Harold recognizes them as zombies
• We huddle
  • Harold asks Don what Reptar looks like
  • She says he’s a human with the desire to kill in his eyes
  • Opal gets board and walks into the ice cream shop, striking up a conversation with other patrons
  • We decide to feign an emergency
• Don gets on her drake to see over the counter top
• Don doesn’t realize the receptionist is a zombie on a nat 1 perception
• Don tries to get the receptionist to believe it’s an emergency and they need to evacuate the building
  • This doesn’t work, and the receptionist just hands her a clipboard to sign
  • Don signs in with her actual name, and signs in Harold with the name “Dick Nickem”, which he intimates to a visitor is his undercover identity
• Cut back to Reptar
• Reptar tries to grab Chatterbox’s rib
  • He falls onto Chatterbox, some of whose bones fall off
  • He’s missing a leg now
• Reptar is holding a rib
• Reptar tries to break the femur to have a sharp implement to cut himself free of his straitjacket
• Chatterbox isn’t trying to stop him, he’s just crawling to a big red panic button on the side of the room
• Reptar gets a nat 20 on his Sleight of Hand check, cutting himself free
  • His muzzle is still locked to his face
• He hits Chatterbox
• Cut back to the infiltration squad
• A zombie nurse comes out and says something indiscernible
  • Don assumes it’s time for us to come and we follow the zombie
• We pass through a room with a zombie ogre smiling and waving at us
  • Don says “they’ve gotten inside”
  • Harold is confused
  • Don still hasn’t realized the nurse is a zombie
• We enter a hallway
  • There’s a skeleton cleaning up a pool of blood with a mop
• The nurse opens a door for us and inside is Reptar fighting Chatterbox
  • Don doesn’t recognize him, since he’s a lizard now
• Don shoots at Chatterbox
  • Catches on fire, shatters into bone fragments
  • “Citizen, the undead has been vanquished! You can now escape!”
• Reptar takes off his muzzle
• Reptar’s possessions were taken and put in a locker
• “Would you happen to know where Reptar is, the legendary adventurer?”
  • Reptar’s eyes change to a murderous look
  • “I’m Reptar. Don’t ask about it. Now, I need to find my stuff.”
• Reptar bites the zombie nurse
  • He doesn’t swallow
• The zombie is emotionally hurt by the attack
  • It tries to slam into Reptar, but misses
• There’s a hoard of zombies coming down the hallway towards us, still a couple turns away
• The skeleton hits Harold from behind with its mop
• Don shoots the zombie with her crossbow
  • Rocinante then takes a bite out of it
  • The zombie is still standing, but missing a chunk of its chest cavity
• Reptar rips the head off the zombie
• Reptar runs down the hall towards the locker containing his stuff
• Harold kicks the skeleton twice
  • It’s barely standing
  • The drake helps out, killing the skeleton
• We take off after Reptar
• Reptar arrives at his locker
• There’s a big ogre zombie lumbering towards him
  • They’re both 30 feet away on opposite sides of the lockers
• Reptar runs to the locker
• He bites the locker
• Harold slings old food from Nancy that was in his shirt at the ogre
  • It lands on its head, and slows it down slightly
• The ogre pulls a sword out of its stomach and throws it at Harold
  • He catches it and throws it back
• Don shoots a crossbow at the ogre, hitting it
  • Also does favored foe
• Reptar tries to bite the lock again
  • He breaks it open
• He takes out a two-handed axe and some battleaxes
  • And his cloak
• He was wearing a patient gown
  • His ass was out
  • He rips off his gown and puts on the cloak from the locker
  • Now his front junk is out
• We huddle up
• Harold can do Pass Without Trace, or Darkness to get past the zombies coming down the hallway
  • He does Pass Without Trace
  • He punches the ogre in the nuts, then runs away and get hit with an opportunity attack, leaving him at 4 HP
  • He sneaks down the hall, hiding behind vending machines and plants
  • Down the hall is a door marked exit
• Don attacks the ogre with her lance and stands her ground, not running away with Harold
• Rocinante attacks
• The ogre is still looking decent
• Reptar follows Harold
• The ogre knocks Don out
  • Rocinante drags her away from the ogre, and an opportunity attack misses
• Reptar casts Cure Wounds to heal Don
  • Then stealths forward, hiding behind a vending machine
• The ogre swings at Rocinante
• Don gets up and starts heading down the hall
  • Rocinante dodges and follows
• Reptar heads through the exit door into the ice cream shop
  • Opal waves
  • Reptar immediately puts on a hat and walks behind the counter to work, much to the annoyance of the zombie already working there
• Opal walks into the hallway briefly and does Healing Word and Bardic Inspiration on Don
• The ogre hits Rocinante
• Don dashes into the ice cream parlor
• The ogre kills Rocinante as he tries to follow
• We all make it to the shop
• Don re-summons Rocinante
  • He bursts out of the vanilla ice cream
• We hear the ogre approaching
• Reptar doesn’t want to leave
  • Harold tries slapping him, but it does nothing
  • Don tries to convince him of all the adventures he can have outside the ice cream shop, it doesn’t work
• The ogre smashes through the door with its morning star
• Reptar realizes he can work in a non-destroyed ice cream shop in the future
• We run away and drive off into the sunset
• Loony Toons circle closes in (that’s all folks!)